I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
