so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
