So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
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I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
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HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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