How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
