when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
