Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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