Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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