Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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