Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
