it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
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You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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