Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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