24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
