I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
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I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
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Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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