If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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