PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
