Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Drake has all the answers
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
