I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
