the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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