hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
