out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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