how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
it's like iHOP with fire
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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