Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
