I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i think i have two assholes
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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