I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
