I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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