Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
