I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
