I'm so fucking centered right now
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Watching her eat just hurts me
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
