Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
