Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
