jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
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It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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