you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
