Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
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I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
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Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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