hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
