so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
