i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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