Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
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I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
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Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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