dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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