when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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