The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.