We're like a lot better than the average bears
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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