I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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