I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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