Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
operation harelip BJ is a go
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
