I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i think my cat just said my name.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
