Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
