i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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