i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
