i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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