Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
