So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
