He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
