Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She announced her abortion via fbk
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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