Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
