cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
