So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
MIDGETS
????
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
