Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
