Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
