Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize