she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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