And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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