honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
